Growing up I didn’t have to brush my teeth. My parents had other things to think about. I got my first toothbrush from a lady at school in 3rd grade. She was a traveling hygienist who gave us red tablets to chew on. The tablets showed where the plaque hid in our elementary mouths. Every kid in my class had bright glowing gums. We lived in the country, and the nearest dentist was almost 30 miles away.
I was very happy to bring home my little bag of toothpaste, floss and toothbrush. I put it by the kitchen sink as that was the only sink that worked in our house at the time. I brushed my teeth every day that week and then forgot about it.
My father never went to the dentist or brushed his teeth. He first went to the dentist in his late 60’s after a decade of tooth pain. By then it was too late. He had all his teeth pulled and paid 50k for bright, fake ones. I guess that’s just as good of a way to do it.
As I entered my teens I took control of my dental hygiene and have a mouth full of gold, amalgam, ceramic and now the new tooth-colored composite resins. I’m not sure I have a molar that hasn’t been worked on.
I’ve been getting my teeth cleaned once or twice a year for the last 20 years now.
2 or 3 months ago I pulled into the gravel parking lot of my dentist for an early morning appointment. I groaned as I turned off my truck. I don’t look forward to this. I used to have a dentist in Austin that I enjoyed going to. He was an older Mexican man who wore crocodile boots and had photos of his fishing trips on the wall. He retired and I moved so my wife found us a new dentist.
I don’t even know his name.
I got in a big argument with him a few years back about them requiring x-rays every visit. Or every other visit. I can’t remember.
“I’m almost 50 years old. My x-rays haven’t changed in 20 years. Quit making me do this bullshit and filling out the same damn form every time,” I said.
The small Asian dentist looked at me and walked off. He would never work on my teeth again. Instead, a blond haired, tall white man took his place. He is very cold. He looks like a skinny Dolph Lundgren. He doesn’t care about my x-rays. He wears white New Balance and has an Apple watch.
After they cleaned my teeth, a couple months ago, he mentioned I had two small cavities that needed filling.
“You’ll need to come later this week to have these taken care of.” He said.
“I’ll come back when I’m ready.” I said.
No one tells me what to do.
When I was in Mexico my tooth started hurting so I made an appointment for today. I thought about just going to a Mexican dentist, but I was having a good time and didn’t want to ruin it with a dental visit.
I went in today to have these two cavities filled. My new dentist didn’t say shit, he just walked up, sat down and started numbing me up with needles. The assistant had already put some thick swabs of numbing paste in my cheeks, but that’s just to get me generalized. You can feel the needles going in.
The drilling started and the first one went smooth but on the second tooth he hit a nerve, and a jolt of terrible pain hit me like lightening. I slammed my arms down on the rests and screamed, “Motherfucker!”
The dentist didn’t say anything. He grabbed a needle and shot some more numbing juice into my gums and left.
Sweat trickled on my forehead and pain shot up from my top left molar into the left side of my skull. I was trying not to be angry, so I grabbed my book and started reading again. It was to help calm myself down, but the pain was sharp.
The dentist finally came back and started into some heavy grinding. At some point there was a pause and I asked, “I thought you said it was just two small cavities?”
The dental assistant piped up, “One of the cavities is next to a filling that has deteriorated. The filling is very old and we must remove the old filling and put in a new one.”
After an hour of this bullshit, it was finally over. The dentist said, “If it becomes sensitive or painful let us know. We may have to do a root canal. Most likely you’ll never notice it again.”
I grabbed my book and paid. I realized why people don’t want to go to the dentist. It’s fucking awful. And very cold.
I drove away with a fully numb mouth into a very busy day. Around 3pm my lips and cheek regained normal function, and the pain set in. It’s a dull, pervasive pain and can make a man irritable if you let it.
I made myself a martini and sat on the porch listening to music.
In the distance I saw a coyote sniffing around the deer feeder.
I thought about grabbing my 30-30 and taking a shot at it, but instead I grabbed an olive from my martini and chewed it, lovingly and slow, on the side of my mouth that didn’t hurt, quite as bad.